04/08/2012

Corbynn Turns 6!

This pciture was taken after I told her she could go ahead and open the pile of presents. 

This poor little girl had been waiting since getting off the bus from

school at 12 it was now closer to 730pm. 

She had waited almost patiently. However when asked her her birthday was going she told my father

"It hasn't started yet and I have been waiting for you people all day"

I almost buckled over laughing but didn't because I have been trying not to encourage her attitude. Sometimes she says thing that I just can't do anything but, laugh. 

Her party went off without a hitch. .

She tried to guess every present she opened and if there were two of anything she gave on to

her sister.
I felt proud that I raised a daughter who wants to share. She wants her sister

to enjoy her things too. She want to think of ways to make people feel special. 

Present after present corbynn screamed "it is my FAVORITE I love it thank you" then she would toss it aside and look for the next gift. 

Cracked me up.
It was a lovely party. I couldn't have been happier that my brother had shown up with his

new girlfriend in tow. 

I like them together and it feels great to have my brother back in our lives.

I love these two pictures of Ben's girlfriend Erin and my dad. I think it shows both of their personalities.

My mother. I love this picture of her. She is amazing and she made the cake. 

4/05/2012

It may sound weird but getting to know my new body is a challenge. I never thought I would say that. Sean noticed last night that I have been gripping about my new add-ons more than loving on them. Just like bowling most things require a bit of muscle and body knowledge. I feel clumsy picking up the laundry, pulling things out of the washing machine, holding a pool stick.

Mostly I have just been whining. I need to get over it this mood that I have let myself fall in. I used to be a generally happy person but, lately I have noticed that I tend to be more of a glass half empty sort of person. I am not much for this attitude in others so I can't let it be mine. I won't become the sullen pesimist who never has anything positive to say.

I have a friend that when asked how he is doing he always responds with "Great but, things are always looking better." It makes me smile just being close to him due to his strong positive attitude. So over the next two weeks we are going to talk about changing the way you view your personal world.

This week my goal is to remember ten things I am grateful for every single day.

Today.
I am grateful to have a beautiful girl who turned six years old today.  Who is growing up so quickly. 

I am grateful for my husband who is always here telling me how much there is to be grateful for.

I am thankful for my toes... Because they are small and cute.

I am thankful that I am able to stay home with my children.

I am thankful that my brother and I are back on talking terms.

I am thankful that my community supports my family and our interests.

I am thankful for my doctors who continue to make my body better.

I am thankful that I can see the sun today.

I am thankful that I don't have to count my money before I buy my groceries.

I am thankful for my new add-on for honestly making me feel whole again.

04/01/2012

Our week has been a little off. Sean got sick so our spring break was a slow. We have been enjoying watching our tree bloom, seeing the grass go green, and napping on couch.

Sean recovered in time to go bowling with my brother and his girlfriend Erin Saturday night. We went glow bowling and it was a blast. I bowled worse than I have ever bowled before; I am talking three, four no pin rolls. It was a record bad go with a lot of laughs. Apparently new breasts are a little harder to bowl with than expected.

Corbynns birthday is four days away. Hurray for a soon to be six year old. I wish she wasn't so hard to shop for.

03/25/2012

1. Say no to anything that is not important to me.
I'm the girl who has a hard time saying no. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I am a bitch not nice person but I can also be a push over. I do things for others who sometimes don't deserve it and I help people when I should be helping myself. I'm giving myself permission to focus on the important things.

2. Ask for help.
There's nothing wrong with it, so why don't I do it more often? Prideful? Scared? Embarrassed? A little of it all. Not sure why but,  I am sure that I have needed a lot of help this year that I haven't asked for.

3. Get. More. Sleep.
Before Sean and I were together I was often in bed by 9 and up by 7am. Sean and I had different idea's of when sleep should happen. He was a up till 2am asleep till 10am kind of guy. I ended up till 2 and awake at 7 am. Not the best for my beauty sleep.

4. Eat healthy.
I have always been a girl who has known what to eat but, I have never been very good at eating that way. The force is with the candy I say.. It is with the candy. But, with this new lease on life I very much need to take care of myself. I need to work on giving my body what it needs to survive not what makes my mouth water.


5. Take ten minutes out of my day to remember to breathe.
Come on does this need an explanation? I need to breathe stay out of the closet and make it through the days.

6. Make a plan.
I am a planner at heart I just need to keep to my plan. I need to plan dinner so I don't spend all day thinking about what my plan is for dinner. I hate that I think about what needs to come out of the freezer instead of taking the time to love on the kids and do some fun projects.

7. Love.
 I want to continue to celebrate love. To celebrate every person that I have a moment with. Love is not just about our family. It is about the connections that feed our world. 


8. Surround myself with inspiring photos.
  Yes there are thousands of pictures on my computer, blog, email accounts but, how often do I do what I have envisioned with them? I want them to surround the house. To bleed into our every day life. I want the house to be full of memories that make us smile.

9. Be more grateful.
I forget to be grateful for the little things. Sean hand reaching across the couch for mine. The laughter coming up from the basement. My extra ten minutes of sleep. Mr. Jones making 3 dinner a week. I have a thousand things a day to be grateful for. I need to spend a few moment ever day writing them down.

10. Hit the gym!
    I forget that I love the gym when I am not going. I love the way my body and mind feels after two hours of working myself. I love that I feel better about my self. I need the gym and I need to MAKE the time to go there.

11. A hot, steamy bubble bath.
Does this really need an explanation?

13. Find a happy place. 
Yes I know a happy place. I think what I am saying is not to be afraid to spend time alone. To have moments that our just MINE. To feel the air come and go from my chest without worrying about how another person is doing. 

13. Have more fun.
Aka... I want to laugh at the small stuff and make my world a lot more fun.

14. Be more organized.
I want to follow through on what my mind is always saying. I know how to organize I need to put those plans in motion with or with out the help of anyone else. Yep that is what I need to do.

15. Be outside more.
I love to sit on the patio but, ever since Sean and I stopped smoking I have stopped enjoying being in our yard. I am going to take back over the yard and the sounds and smells that come with it.

16. Read more.
No I am not talking about blogs I am talking about books. It is time to find a good book and lay down and enjoy it.

17. Boost the self esteem.
Most people wouldn't know it but I'm actually not that confident. I like to pretend I am, but a lot of it's an act. This year I will compliment myself more because I think I deserve it. And I will stop judging myself so harshly - other people do it enough for you, take you out of that equation.

18. Spend more time with my kids.
Instead of sending them to go do things. I want to do things with my kids, I want to be that parent that was always there for their children. I want to be a mom that they remember for being involved not hiding in her bedroom behind her work.

19. Cook and bake more.
Making food for my family makes me happy. I need to embrace it more and enjoy cooking.

20. Make more time for people who care about me and focus less on people who don't make me a priority.

03/22/2012

day of surgery. Not so Hott. LOL

Flowers from my family AWESOME.

Wake up: take pain killers at 1, 4, 7 am. Stare at the clock trying to figure out how I have made it this many years never sleeping on my back. Only to realize I have made it this long because I can't sleep on my back. I have made it through countless surgeries and this is the VERY first one that I could not sleep on my back after. The couch became my best friend with pillows placed around to hopefully make me feel as if I am floating. Didn't work but, I tried. I think I may have only got in a few hours of "real" sleep last night. 

I awoke this morning feeling well considering that my breast feel are watermelons pasted to my chest; not even the nicely shaped ones. I understand why they tell you not to take off the bandages for a few days. (not that I could possibly do this... Curiosity killed the hopeful?) I was a little drug induced  so I felt like it was my personal duty to see what was under bandage three. Well, I looked at I will not share what I saw but, it was unexpected. 

After two years of feeling so self aware of my uneven breast I thought I would be overjoyed to have these new additions but, I am coming out of this realizing that they didn't matter in the first place. That no one cared that my cancer had taken half my left breast but me. Yes, I matter but, no one else cared. My husband would have continued to love me just the way I was. I am grateful to be able to feel good about myself again though. Even if it is in a vain way.

 Losing my uterus had made me feel like less of a woman. I couldn't grow our family anymore even if I wanted to. Then to look in the mirror and not feel womanly was heartbreaking. So, I am happy that I had them reconstructed. Sorry just rambling, trying to figure out my own feelings.

I over did it today a bit. I think I was suppose to stay low and ice pack... Well you know me; I didn't. Come to find out that opening the fridge door will lead swelling was out of control. I don't think washing the kids hair or picking up my computer was helping either though.  Now my uterus-less stomach and my swollen recon area are telling me loud and clear to cool it. 

Cancer is a strange beast. I can't ever forget that. 

On a strange note. I met some one on craigslist. Not in the people section but, I was selling our trailer and happen to start emailing with another stay at home mom. Isn't incredible how ever once in a while that you can feel a connection with-out a reason for one? I could tell on the phone while describing my trailer that we could have been friends forever by the way we were talking. 

It had odd timing as well; we had listed the trailer right as Kay got sick and was getting worse. I called Jayna to let her know that I wouldn't be able to let her see the trailer that day. I ended up dumping on her for about a half hour. This RANDOM craigslist buyer about my family and Kay and all the stress. Very strange. Very, Very strange. 

Also Scot got his licience back this week! Hurray! It is amazing that he could go from ICU brain surgery/stroke/not walking, remembering, or being able to do any normal daily activities to being a fully function person again. I am SO grateful to have been invovled in his rehab. Not only for Scot but, for my husband. Being able to do that for Sean is incredible. It is hard to have your husband best friend living in your home even stranger when you know everything about him. I spent days breaking into accounts, emails, talking to the bank while he was in ICU unable to do anything for himself. I am grateful to be able to understand their relationship so much better. I am grateful to have been able to prove to myself that I can step out on a ledge and take care of people. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done but, the most rewarding too. 

The families ability to function with out me.

Eddie wondering politely when he is going to be lap dog again.

This is such a hard time in our lives but the blessing we have are countless ... 

03/22/2012

I made it through round two of surgery yesterday. 

Sorry all the delay's in posting. 

There are days where I can't even look at the screen to type. 

There for there are days when nothing happens. 

My breast reconstruction went well they said. 

I will know in a  few hours for myself. 

Thanks for sticking around.

03/18/2012

Feeling much better today! 

Haven't had to swallow a pain pill yet. This always makes my day a little brighter. 

However, think I may have messed up on on my little openings by opening it 

a little early. Oopps... On to the anti-infection cream and keeping a eye on it.

I am sorry... But I had to know what my 

belly button looked like. 

Have you ever covered up your belly button? 

It is an odd experience. 

I REALLY want some dip and dots. 

They are the best ice cream in the world

If you haven't had them you should google it.

They are incredible little balls of goodness. 

I went to their site to order some 

then saw it was going to 

cost me a small fortune to get them here. So I passed on the order but, they are

the only things still on my mind. 

If there is a Dip and Dot fairy out there. 

Or just a local dealer I would be 

OVER JOYED. 

On to the other goodness. 

I am sad about my Birchwood box this month.
It was disappointing at best. 

Maybe next month will surprise me. 

This months just made me sad. 

I was going to switch only to find out that My Glam Bag was SOLD OUT.

So, wait I will until the love comes back.